Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Left Behind, the Insurance

I've seen a lot of things sold in the name of Christianity, but this one takes the cake. Basically, for $40 a year, you can ensure that your pagan relatives get access to your "stuff" when the rapture takes place through a service by No, I am not making this stuff up.

Here's how it works: Jesus splits the skies. The dead in Christ rise. Those who are left are taken away. What's left are the poor pagans and procrastinators who meant to become a Christian but never got around to it. Since the 5 owners of youvebeenleftbehind are all claimed to be Christians, they've programmed their system to send out thousands of emails to the unchurched loved ones of those who are gone. The email will say something like, "I'm sorry that you didn't make it, but here is the pin code to my bank account, as well as all my passwords. I won't be needing them anymore, and with tribulation coming, you could probably use a little bit of cash." How does the computer system know that the Rapture has occurred? It's currently programmed to hold back the flood of emails so long as 3 of the 5 website owners log in at least once every 3 days. So, after 6 days of no logins, a flood of information will go pouring out over the internet to comfort the poor saps.

I probably won't subscribe to this service, but really, who wouldn't want to have one more chance to say, "I told you so?"


Anonymous said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address
At =

Joe B said...

Macca, thisone is hysterically funny.

secret rapture dude? What??

Big Doofus said...

Scott - I left you my baseball card collection and my DVDs. You can also have my Swirling Eddies CDs and my VHS copy of the first King's X Videos.

Joe - We've never met, but I figure you could use my car. It has high mileage, but it still gets the job done.

The Rest of You - My subscription to and back-issue copies of Horse & Hound magazine and some biscuits.

See you around...or not.

Mr. E said...

This is the funniest piece of crap I have read in a long time. It just goes to show you, that people will buy or invest in anything these days. What is really sad, it that these "so called Christians" think Jesus would approve of this kind of behavior. How can you call yourself a Christian when you know you are cheating someone like that? Sad, but oddly enough, funny.

Joe B said...

Do you think that (a) they might have been just being silly, or that (b) it is likely that not a single soul will subscribe to the service?

Maybe they are collecting bank account numbers from complete idiots and are planning on using those numbers to drain their bank accounts?

Piece of crap?? Well okay. I can't argue with that!

Macca, HOW did you FIND this??

Macca said...

I saw it referenced on someone's blog.